he’s just…gone. what an important figure on campus. every post i read makes me a cry a bit more. i can’t bring myself to share communally i just can’t, it feels like an obligatory election post, it trivializes what he did for the community. I know others must do to express, but it’s a personal relationship that I shared with him.
freshman year, college. so much fucking roaming on the hunt for alcohol, any will do. PBRs after Natty Lites after jungle juice? That will do whatever it takes to get me drunk, sir. Why? To fuck. to hook up. To do things that one would never do sober. To approach people and be loud and be wild and say after that you enjoyed it. So you know what?
Yeah, I say the truth when I say that I prefer hanging out and just chilling. I do. I MISS being free from such a rigid social construct. Why does it seem like the only way to meet guys is through hooking up or parties? I don’t mean to bitch that chivalry is dead. It’s not, I know, it’s not. I don’t care if you hold the door for me or not. I appreciate it, yeah, but that’s not the point. I am amazed that I have friends who can withstand going to parties where everyone is trashed and they are completely sober—what is the joy in that? But you know what? That Atlantic article was right, to some extent. I do enjoy hooking up. I revel in male attention that I never seem to be getting enough of. I want to be held and told I’m pretty and that I’m good enough.
I AM independent. how else did I survive a whole year alone?
i want to remember that initial HEART POUNDING EXCITEMENT
holy shit i have olympic tickets. hopefully the rush comes again when the tickets WITH MY NAME are printed and in my HOT HAND
so excited. i can understand i suppose mum but that feels like a different planet, her contracts among adults. which i am a part of (that world) but not wholly.
of thanking what life gives me because the sour moments make the sweet all the sweeter
of HOLY SHIT I AM GOING TO THE OLYMPICS AND SEEING MICHAEL PHELPS AND RYAN LOCHTE SWIM HOLY SHIT
that screaming feeling. AH.